Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You took a bar mat shot.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
