oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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