This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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