Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
