It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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