His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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