it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
