when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
