My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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