KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
