dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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