He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
