we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
