some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
