Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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