Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
