why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
