guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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