God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
