Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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