dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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