This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
