she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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