she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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