i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
