I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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