Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
