also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
