She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
