We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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