operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
