ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
