Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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