Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How does one acquire holy water?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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