I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
