Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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