I just pynch a tree in the face
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
vagina is talking i cant
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
