my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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