The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize