fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
