I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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