dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
