every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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