Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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