If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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