We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
