I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
