meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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