It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
