not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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