I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
