tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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