I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have demons in me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
