i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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