i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
