I wanna bring you to show and tell
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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