Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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