college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
