and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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