Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
one two three fourrrrnication!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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