I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We have started to decorate penises.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
