Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
