great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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