Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
