I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
