He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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