Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
