and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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