Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
