Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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