So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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