I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
