She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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