I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Still dying that you shit outside
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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