Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
