Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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