I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
